Reflections on Pruning
John 15: 1-2 “I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while very branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”
The winter landscape in our garden tends to reveal leggy stems and branches with sparse greenery and even less color. So, since the day after Thanksgiving, Keith has been steadily pruning just about every plant in our garden. Tree trimmers arrived first and cut back our large eucalyptus trees, as well as the Chinese elm and dense podocarpus trees. It looked like a bomb had gone off in the backyard when they finished! Luckily, Keith’s pruning isn’t quite as shocking as that but is equally as effective. Cutting plants back to a center stalk with a few twiggy branches enables them to grow more lush and full once spring arrives: flowers are larger and more fragrant; the color of leaves more vibrant. I like to think that the plants become more of their true selves, a better specimen of the plant God intended them to be. I’ve found that many times God, the Master-Gardener, prunes our human lives, as well.
Today, January 1, 2013, I’m thinking about the most severe pruning I ever received in my life. You see, twenty years ago today I experienced the onset of Multiple Sclerosis, a disease of the central nervous system that pruned away much of my life as I knew it. I awoke that morning so many years ago, with a severe migraine headache that didn’t respond to pain meds. After staying in bed for three days the headache finally seemed to be better, but I had this strange numbness when I touched my skin that felt like I was wearing velvet. I also felt a sharp electrical jolt that went from my neck to my heel when I bent my chin to my chest. Thinking I’d pinched a nerve from lying in bed for so long I contacted my doctor to see what could be done to fix it. And so began a journey I never thought I would take, a pruning I hadn’t expected or wanted.
After months of visits to numerous doctors and lovely tests like MRIs and spinal taps my new-found neurologist, Dr. Jack H. Florin, gave me the news: Transverse Myelitis or possible MS. “Seriously?” I asked. What the heck did this mean to a single woman, working full time in the banking industry, singing nearly full-time as a solo artist and in a jazz quintet, as well as speaking for church groups about how God provides joy in the midst of trials? What would happen to my relationship with that new guy I was dating. I was told there was no way of knowing the answer to those questions and we’d have to just wait and see. Seriously?
Months went by and more unusual symptoms developed: weakness in my arms and legs, difficulty thinking and expressing my thoughts, not being able to remember things I knew like the back of my hand, fatigue that had a life of it’s own. More and more of my “normal” life was being pruned away and it seemed I was making adjustments on a daily basis.
A year after the initial diagnosis came the official diagnosis: relapsing remitting Multiple Sclerosis. I remember going to the car wash soon after hearing the news and running into one of the pastors from my church. When he asked how I was doing, I dissolved into tears and told him about the uncertainty of my future and asked, “Why did God allow this to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?” I don’t remember his response, but his kind and caring words brought me comfort and I knew God would indeed help me with whatever I encountered.
After any severe pruning signs of new life and growth are very easy to see. And so it was with me. Always one to look for the Lord’s purpose and plan in what I experienced, once I’d grieved over the loss of “normalcy” I began to see that He was using this for good in my life. MS isn’t good – God was using it for good and because of that it was easier to maintain a positive attitude. I began taking vitamins and supplements (and do to this day) that have helped keep me healthy and relatively strong. When I needed to use a cane for support as I walked, I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. So I started a cane collection with fancy, fun and fantastic canes to divert attention away from me and my disability. (I think some people were even a little jealous that they didn’t have such special accessories for themselves.) When I began using my handicap placard for special parking spaces I actually had someone question whether I was “really” disabled, because I looked “too happy”. (But that’s another story for another blog.)
When I finally realized I could no longer work and would have to go on disability I prayed and asked the Lord to show me how it was He wanted me to fill up my time. Of course, much of it would be spent sleeping and resting, but I knew I needed to feel I had a purpose and to set goals. Soon after that, the new guy I’d been dating (for three years now) asked me to marry him and live in his home with a big garden waiting to be planned and planted. I said YES and became a wife to Keith Vaughn and step-mom to his precious 7-year-old son, Kole. I was given opportunities to volunteer more at church, helping to plan and lead worship, as I felt physically able. I was asked to help those struggling with new diagnoses of MS, taking and making phone calls in order to offer encouragement and hope. And I began sitting in our garden and listening for God’s voice, journaling my thoughts and the lessons I was learning.
In the twenty years that have passed since New Year’s day 1993, that harsh winter with a severe pruning, my life has become more beautiful and rewarding than anything I had ever imagined it would be. I like to think I’ve become more of my true self, a better specimen of the person God intended me to be. And only God, the Master-Gardener knew it would take MS to make that happen.
Father, I’m so grateful for the things I’ve learned these past 20 years, especially about Your love and tender care for every detail in my life. Please help me to continue to trust that You know what’s best for me and that You will use that to shape me into the person You want me to be.